Hello my Dear Friends,
NOTE: Long personal post, if you only have a moment, please read the bolded text at the bottom. Thanks! ;)
You are probably wondering where I have been lately and I must say I feel like I've fallen down the rabbit hole. ;0) Ok, well the reality of it is I have been weaning off my medications for the last month and a half and I'm doing well pain-wise (for the most part), but I have EXTREME exhaustion and along with that, some major depression. I really don't know if it has anything to do with the meds or not. Literally, I was out of bed about 3 hours total for the entire past week, maybe up to ten days now? I don't know, my days are blurring together with each other and each night. I have been sleeping through the night (so unusual for me), but instead of feeling rested the next morning, within about an hour of waking up I am so tired that I have to go back to bed...and so on and so forth throughout the days.
I've been having some pain off and on and over the weekend, I walked to my craft room and my low back went out!!! I finally had the energy to work on organization and my back goes out! Ugh. I'll give you a funny little piece of history here...about 10-12 years ago, I used to go to crop nights with my brother's GF (at the time) and I ended up having to buy one of those HUGE rolling totes...The biggest one they make. LOL -- Anyways, one night after a crop, I lugged the big tote into the back of my Chevy Tracker (still have the same vehicle, btw & the same tote), and I ended up slipping a disc, pinching a nerve and permanently messed up my back! How embarrassing, while wearing a back brace, to explain I threw my back out because of my scrapbooking tote!!! I was around 20 or 21 (and this is before scrapbooking really was a big thing) so not exactly a "hip" reason to hurt my back. So my point is, for years I've had trouble with it and actually just the past two years it has stopped being a pain (no pun intended), ;p until this weekend. I am sooooo mad!!! It's rare that I have energy, and the first time I have some in weeks, I end up throwing it out again just by WALKING into the scrapbooking room! If anyone ever gives you grief about scrapbooking/card making being a girly thing, you tell them it's a dangerous sport and sometimes hazardous to your health! LOL ;) So here I am, in bed again... I have 10 Easter cards to make and get out by Wednesday and I'm so hoping to get to them tonight, but I'm having a super duper killer headache.
So I mentioned above what has been going on with me for the past ten days or so, but I haven't really gotten down to the real stuff. Here goes...Depression associated with Fibromyalgia is almost inevitable and from the get-go I was put on anti-depressants, not only for "supposed" help with pain, but for the obvious reason as well. What I'm dealing with right now, my close bloggy buddies are mostly aware of, but I want to share with everyone just what this illness does. Someday, if you don't already, you are bound to know someone with this illness (not just me, online). ;)
For me, these are just a few of the changes that have occurred since developing what I call full-blown or full-on Fibro. I have had symptoms since I was a child, but it always went away until about four years ago, maybe five now...I can't even remember, which is one of the lovely effects of Fibro, BTW. Yes, I used to have a super sharp memory, now I can't remember what happened yesterday and I'm not joking here. It's one of the many things that gives out in your body. One of the biggest things (no pun intended) that I'm struggling with right now is my weight. Hence the major depression. My entire life I have been extremely thin by nature. I have never weighed much more than 105 lbs., usually rounding out at about 95, which for me was normal and healthy. I was never able to gain weight, in fact, I was relentlessly teased all throughout my school years and I hated it until I got older. I had finally learned to accept my body and love it just how it was. It only took me about 25 years or so. LOL But I was...Happy, that is. When I first developed "full-on" Fibro I went into a program for healing and unfortunately I was put on a restricted diet and dropped down to 85 lbs., which of course, was too small.
I couldn't gain weight to save my soul! I could eat more than anybody I had ever known, including my big brothers who had voracious appetites. I was this way all through high school as well. In fact, I once won a free dinner from a restaurant on a bet from the waiter who didn't believe I could eat all the food I had ordered. Well I did eat it all and then some! LOL I was soooooo proud of that free dinner and so was my dad...but I digress... Anyways, I got kicked out of the program I was in b/c I was losing weight. Then, just as suddenly as my weight came off, it started piling on. I remember the exact time it started...two Halloweens ago I went to a friend's party and she served these delicious tiny cream puff pastries. OMG, I fell in LOVE!!! I had never liked sweets and hated chocolate my entire life, then suddenly I started craving it, and loving it, and needing it. You can guess how it went from there... In less than one year, I gained 65 lbs. I'm up another 5 - 7 lbs. as of now and I am miserable. I can't STOP gaining weight!
Honest to God, I'd rather have the severe pain that I had before the weight gain instead of the weight gain. I'd trade it in a minute. I have never ever been so unhappy with myself in my life and I can't begin to figure out what is wrong and why I'm gaining weight constantly and never losing an ounce, even when I don't eat. :( I went from a size 00 to 12/13 currently and still stretching. Most of the weight is in my belly and in fact, several months ago (when I weighed about 15 lbs less than I do now), I got asked when my baby was due!!! I was mortified although I can't blame the lady who asked me b/c my belly is huge and yet another lovely problem with either the drugs or the Fibro (not sure which), is I sweat CONSTANTLY, and profusely! I'm sure she thought it was my hormones from being "pregnant". :p OMG, seriously, how embarrassing!
My appetite has slowed wayyyyyy down, but so has my metabolism. Ok, this is a little personal, but I had a SUPER fast metabolism and was very regular -- like three times a day regular. Now, I am lucky if I go once every three days and when I do, every single time, it is sooooo painful that I dread going! I rip and bleed and tear and cry every single time I go to the bathroom now! I am on softeners and laxatives every single day and I'm still having severe issues; however, doctors have been NO help in this arena. They can't figure out why I'm gaining the weight and why my system is acting the way it is. So I have made a decision...The one thing that's changed more than anything are the amount of heavy duty narcotics (prescribed of course) that I take just to bear the pain associated with Fibro. So without any better ideas, I have decided to get off of all of my medications -- detox. Yes, it would be treated like a drug addict's detox, except for the fact that I decided to do a very slow wean, controlled by my pain management specialist, so I wouldn't have to go in to a clinic and be put on Saboxone (another form of methadone) to help me with withdrawals.
As far as the horrible, embarrassing, disgusting, uncomfortable sweating goes, here's what happens...I get up. Within one to three minutes of getting up, no matter what the temperature is or what I do, I start sweating...and I don't stop, until I am lying in bed fairly still. I get in the shower and within one minute after showering, I am dripping and not from the water. My face drips, my hair gets soaked, my clothes get soaked so by the time I'm dressed, I feel exhausted and utterly disgusting. I also get the horrible night sweats at least 2 or 3 times a week and I wake up, drenched, and usually freezing cold. And yes, this adds to my depression incredibly. I am a lover of clothes, fashion, makeup, all things girly and since the weight gain and the sweating I can't even wear clothes b/c it's not worth it to get dressed if I don't have to go to the doctor's that is...so my hubby says I should change the name of my blog to "The Naked Crafter". LOL! :0) It's so bad that it's honestly laughable sometimes!
So friends, this is what I've been up to lately. I spend my days in bed, trying not to sweat, refusing to go anywhere b/c of the exhaustion & sweating that happens after getting dressed. Oh yeah, did I mention how tired Fibro makes you? It's so weird! Some days I can't sleep but for 2 or 3 hours and then some days I can't wake up for more than 2 hours at a time, sometimes sleeping up to 18 hours a day!!! It's so random, I can never make plans b/c I honestly have no clue how I'll be feeling at that particular moment. How I feel physically changes literally at least every five minutes. I haven't seen friends in months. I have gotten out of the house (other than for doctor's) probably a total of 5 times in 6 months or so. I haven't been able to craft for weeks and that is another thing that really depresses me. I miss it soooo much! When I'm gone for more than a day or two I feel so left out and like I'm missing out on so much in bloggy land. I LOVE blog hops and challenges and everything, but when I feel like I do, it's all I can do to just keep my head on straight.
My poor hubby has to deal with so much. As I've mentioned, my best friends in the world have ceased to be what best friends should be, so much of the burden goes to my hubby. He's the one who has to listen when I'm in pain, when I'm mad at being fat, when I'm sick of sweating, when my friends don't call anymore. It's hard and he's a trooper.
I want you all to know that the first few years of this I was very positive and optimistic, but anyone who develops this level of health issues is bound to lose some of their positivity. And that's what's going on right now for me. Now don't get me wrong...I thank God every day for the wonderful blessings in my life and for making my pain less severe than it was, but the one thing (ok several things) I really want people to know about a person who suffers from Fibro is telling that person things like "well, it could be worse" or "at least - blah, blah, blah" or "if it makes you feel better, I've gained five pounds too" :p does NOT help. Sometimes, we need friends who will just go along with the bitching and say "OMG, this sucks" or "I'd be pissed off too"! Is that so much to ask? Of course we know things won't always be this way, or things will get better, but sometimes, dang it, why can't we just be real about our feelings??? Now normally I would start to apologize here and say to my readers, yes I really do have a good life in spite of the illness, but you know what? This time, I'm not going to say that because that is, honest to God, not how I feel right now and pretending it is, is getting old. I need friends who are going to let me be me and I need to be able to be myself, especially here on my blog.
Now the ONE positive thing I will say right now is that I do have some amazing friends here and I never forget that. I thank you all for being there for me and listening to me and still loving me. That is what keeps me going! That is what true friendship is about, to me anyways. For those of you reading this ridiculously long post, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Please do leave me a comment. I love to hear from my readers and I will be back in to tell you all some super fun news and post some more creations! ;)
With much appreciation and gratitude,
Amy Jo
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Crash and burn
Hi there. Wow, it's been way too long since I've posted and kept up with this journal that is supposed to be done daily. I had three excellent days, then 4 really bad days and during all of that time, I think I only posted once. Horrible way to keep track of how things are going. OMGoodness I feel so guilty. First of all let's look back a little bit and see the differences. When I was feeling well, I was barely drinking any coffee. I had 1 full cup at the maximum and finished it fairly early in the day. Since the few days where I felt really good, I have again, increased my coffee intake. 2. When I was feeling good, I cut way back on the pain meds. Had to add no extra Opanas, Lorazies, or anything really, but maybe a Promethisone (Phenergyn) a day. Can't quite remember. Since I've been in pain I increased my doses, in fact yesterday I had a total of 3 Oxys!!! I went from 0 per day to 3 in one day due to horrible knee pain which I attribute either to overuse or to the coffee consumption. Not sure which/both/either/none had a part to do with my awful knee pain, but it was enough to totally make me crazy. 3. Other things that have changed are that I have spend way too much money on things I didn't have to have and now I'm feeling super guilty and angry with myself for doing so and rather than just stopping, I still look and find things I want to buy and it's out of control. I have to stop myself or I will go insane. I'm trying to balance out my behavior by selling things as fast as I can get them listed, but they are not moving quick enough and our house is filled with boxes of stuff that is listed and not sold. Ugh! Stress is just piling up like crazy and I don't even know where to begin. 4. I have a huge project that was due tomorrow and I didn't even start it over the weekend due to the fact that yesterday (Sat.) I was so extremely tired I didn't even get out of bed all day. All I wanted to do was sleep and I was in lots of pain. Well today (Sun.) I got up at 1ish and out of bed by 2:15 or so then went to my friend's house, dealt with some stress over there and then came home only to have a lot more stress dumped on my by having a much needed personal conversation with the hubs. Stress, stress, and more stress. Do you see a pattern here? Anyways, the days I felt good... Wed., Thurs., Friday, I went places on Thurs., helped my assistant all day Friday until I started having pain by 3:30 in the afternoon and since then, I've been down for the count. Pain and tiredness and not to mention intense anger, not like fighting anger, but just mad at the situation and the since of being overwhelmed by everything right now. I feel like I'm caught in a viscous cycle with my life in general. I had two or three days and I said I was ok with that and wouldn't be upset when the pain came back because I knew it would, but I guess I am upset. Moreso with the fact that I didn't get anything done this weekend that I had hoped I would get done. No crafting, no organizing, no preparing for my trip, barely any laundry, no correspondence, just everything. Oh yeah, there is some shopping I must do within a day or so and I haven't even begun to look at that. My room is a disaster and I need it cleaned before I can rest peacefully. There is just too much clutter right now and nowhere for it all to go. I have zillions of books and magazines to read and none of them are getting read. Instead, I'd rather watch TV. Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh! Ugh. Have to go for now and take some more meds to calm myself down. Will be back to write as soon as I can. Thanks for letting me rant. I know it will all work out. Always does... just very difficult time right now.
AJ
AJ
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Daily Journal 8/10/2011 - Post 2 (Please see earlier post)
Ok, so I figured I better do the boring detailed part of my day so I don't lose track of what I'm doing right and wrong.
A few things were different today and I'll note them below. Let's start with foods. Again, rather embarrassed about my poor eating habits. :(
FOOD
At around 3 AM I was up and super hungry so I made some fritos con queso and pico de gallo. I added a little milk (rice) to make it smoother. My dog and I shared that cause she was hungry too. LOL When I woke up first at 10 AM I felt seriously sick to my tummy like I was going to throw up. I took a pill, but the feeling kind of lasted for most of the day until around 7 PM. Then, I didn't really eat anything until around 1 or 2 I guess and I didn't have my first (and only) cup of 1/2 caff coffee until then either. Seriously wondering if this has anything to do with why I felt so good pain-wise. I had some leftover Chinese food with white rice for lunch. A bowl of puffins rice cereal with coconut milk later as a snack. This evening I had two pieces of a frozen pizza for dinner. Supreme style or something like that with olives, mushrooms, sausage, pepperoni, onions and??? Not too bad, but then I had 3 pudding cups!!! 2 chocolate and one vanilla. They tasted very sweet to me and very chemically, but I ate them anyways. I had some ginger ale this afternoon to settle my stomach and just water to drink tonight and throughout the day. I also squeezed in a mini butterfinger bite sized candy (which I'm not supposed to have because I have issues with peanuts and peanut butter, I believe) and a pack of fruit snacks. So I didn't really have any fresh fruit or fresh (not cooked) veggies today that I can recall. I will try better tomorrow and maybe make myself a salad with some shrimp for lunch. That sounds good!
MEDS
AM - I took a Temazepam (sleeping pill at around 3 or so in the morning) then at 7:30 AM, 1 Opana ER, 1 Opana, 1 Citalopram, Phenergyn
NOON - nothing
PM - 1 Opana ER, 1 Opana, 1 Lorazepam (Loraz)
Wow, that is really incredible for me. Normally I have to have more breakthrough pain medicine, more Loraz and more Phenergyn, plus usually an NSAID like Naproxen Sodium (NS), but I didn't do any of that today and I felt very good! Unbelievable!
MOOD
Optimistic, grateful, sleepy, happy, content, surprised, not very stressed out, just a little due to a.m. stomach upset and business stuff - nothing major
WEATHER
It was a beautiful sunny day outside, but I slept most of the day. The temperature was not quite as hot as it has been and tonight was absolutely perfect weather. No rain or clouds around. :0)
ACTIVITY
Hours of computer work, catching up on emails, FB, and doing business on CL. Cancelled my help because I was too tired and sick to put anything together for her to do. Lots of reading and watched some TV. Not a whole lot of going up and down the stairs and spent most of the day/night in bed with the dogs. I have a super busy day planned for tomorrow so I was glad to rest up today for that. For the first time in a long time, I actually got my blog post for Thursday up before midnight! I had it done by a little after 11:00 PM, which is amazing for me. Of course, that took a load of stress off of my shoulders, which means, I really need to stop procrastinating when I am able to do my work. It's 12:20 AM now and I am signing off to read for a bit and likely will sleep soon. :0)
Thanks for stopping in!
AJ
A few things were different today and I'll note them below. Let's start with foods. Again, rather embarrassed about my poor eating habits. :(
FOOD
At around 3 AM I was up and super hungry so I made some fritos con queso and pico de gallo. I added a little milk (rice) to make it smoother. My dog and I shared that cause she was hungry too. LOL When I woke up first at 10 AM I felt seriously sick to my tummy like I was going to throw up. I took a pill, but the feeling kind of lasted for most of the day until around 7 PM. Then, I didn't really eat anything until around 1 or 2 I guess and I didn't have my first (and only) cup of 1/2 caff coffee until then either. Seriously wondering if this has anything to do with why I felt so good pain-wise. I had some leftover Chinese food with white rice for lunch. A bowl of puffins rice cereal with coconut milk later as a snack. This evening I had two pieces of a frozen pizza for dinner. Supreme style or something like that with olives, mushrooms, sausage, pepperoni, onions and??? Not too bad, but then I had 3 pudding cups!!! 2 chocolate and one vanilla. They tasted very sweet to me and very chemically, but I ate them anyways. I had some ginger ale this afternoon to settle my stomach and just water to drink tonight and throughout the day. I also squeezed in a mini butterfinger bite sized candy (which I'm not supposed to have because I have issues with peanuts and peanut butter, I believe) and a pack of fruit snacks. So I didn't really have any fresh fruit or fresh (not cooked) veggies today that I can recall. I will try better tomorrow and maybe make myself a salad with some shrimp for lunch. That sounds good!
MEDS
AM - I took a Temazepam (sleeping pill at around 3 or so in the morning) then at 7:30 AM, 1 Opana ER, 1 Opana, 1 Citalopram, Phenergyn
NOON - nothing
PM - 1 Opana ER, 1 Opana, 1 Lorazepam (Loraz)
Wow, that is really incredible for me. Normally I have to have more breakthrough pain medicine, more Loraz and more Phenergyn, plus usually an NSAID like Naproxen Sodium (NS), but I didn't do any of that today and I felt very good! Unbelievable!
MOOD
Optimistic, grateful, sleepy, happy, content, surprised, not very stressed out, just a little due to a.m. stomach upset and business stuff - nothing major
WEATHER
It was a beautiful sunny day outside, but I slept most of the day. The temperature was not quite as hot as it has been and tonight was absolutely perfect weather. No rain or clouds around. :0)
ACTIVITY
Hours of computer work, catching up on emails, FB, and doing business on CL. Cancelled my help because I was too tired and sick to put anything together for her to do. Lots of reading and watched some TV. Not a whole lot of going up and down the stairs and spent most of the day/night in bed with the dogs. I have a super busy day planned for tomorrow so I was glad to rest up today for that. For the first time in a long time, I actually got my blog post for Thursday up before midnight! I had it done by a little after 11:00 PM, which is amazing for me. Of course, that took a load of stress off of my shoulders, which means, I really need to stop procrastinating when I am able to do my work. It's 12:20 AM now and I am signing off to read for a bit and likely will sleep soon. :0)
Thanks for stopping in!
AJ
A new outlook
Wow, today has been an incredible day. I guess I better start with last night to get to today... Last night at around 11:00 PM I went to my next door neighbor's house (she happens to be one of my very best friends) because she was having some landlord issues. Well needless to say, we were both upset and in horrible moods, but then the conversation shifted to spirituality and illness and the relation and honest to God, for a brief instant I felt no pain at all. I started crying because it was so foreign to me to have that feeling! It has been approx. 3 years since I have felt what it feels like to have zero pain. I couldn't believe it! We decided right then and there that we are going to be grateful for the blessings we have and we are going to be thankful for our trials and tribulations because without them, we wouldn't learn. We wouldn't grow as human beings... as spiritual beings. I was (I think I can speak for us both here) totally swept away with feelings of pure love and light and I could see her aura getting brighter and brighter by the minute. Normally I can't see aura's, but I could see my friend's! It was incredible.
I left there with lots of energy (too bad it was so late) and just this amazing understanding. I thanked God and the Universe for this illness because it has led me in a direction I might not have taken without it. It has also brought me more love and kindness from people than I could have ever imagined. I get to see and feel with my soul, people's wonderful ability to empathize and be compassionate and loving. Those aren't even powerful enough words for what I have seen through this illness. Obviously, not everyone is understanding and supportive and to be honest, some of the most empathetic and caring are the people I haven't even met in person (meaning my bloggy and Internet friends) or people who I have met through Craig's List and various other places because of this illness. Wow! I am so blessed and so very happy.
Now, onto today's miracle... :0) Are you ready for this? I know I am... I EXPERIENCED SOME PAIN FREE TIME TODAY!!! WOOOOOOH HOOOOOOO! YEAH! Ok, that's about as excited as I can get through usage of writing styles, LOL. :0) I had not just an instant, but hours of no pain. OMGosh I have no idea how to handle this so I tried to accept it and say thank you to the Lord and the Universe and I tried very hard not to worry about what to do when it comes back because I think it will come back. But, it's 11:41 PM and I have been feeling almost totally pain free for most of the evening since around 4 or so this afternoon, I think. I'm starting to have a bit of pain now, but it's ok. It's BEARABLE!!!
This morning I woke up feeling extremely sick to my stomach. So much so that I had to take a Phenergyn and lie right back down so I wouldn't vomit. Then I started feeling very weird. My body felt like it was floating (not necessarily in a good or bad way) and I had double vision. I'm not sure what that was all about, but I didn't do anything differently with my meds or anything. I didn't wake up in tons of pain, which was weird, but I did not feel good by any means. I was also super duper tired all day today and slept on and off throughout the whole day without the use of any extra meds, which is very unusual for me. Normally to fall asleep is a mechanism I use to fight the pain and to get to sleep I have to take lots of extra medications. That wasn't the case today, at all!
Then, I woke up and seriously couldn't believe the way I felt...Okay, I know this is way TMI, but I have to tell you. I went to use the restroom and normally I have to maneuver my legs in a certain way (because my knees hurt so bad) to sit on the toilet and I have to use my hands and arms to help me too. Well, I went to pee (sorry again for the amount of info here) and I didn't have to do anything to help me sit down or get up from the toilet!!! I know that sounds ridiculous to most of you, but to me, it has been a daily struggle that I fight with every time I have to pee and with fibro, it increases the amount of times you have to go in a day so I'm spending most of my life in the bathroom. LOL I could get up and sit down --- without having to think about it! *breathes deeply* I just can't believe it. Thank you, everyone in my life who has been so supportive during my bad days which greatly outnumber my good ones. I had to share my day with you all because I know many of you have been praying and thinking of me and I wanted to ask you all to please keep doing it. It's working! It's working! Oh, thank you God!
And please, do not worry. I'm not being unrealistic here or thinking that everything is suddenly gone. I know it's not, but the thing is, I have a more true feeling that it can be gone and will be gone (hopefully very soon). I am putting everything into faith, not modern medicine anymore and I know I will get on the right path to heal. If it doesn't happen right away, that's ok. That just means I have more to learn. I will just take the good days as they come and will cherish every little bit of time I get to be without pain. That is my miracle today, my friends. Thank you all for listening. I love you all for being a part of my life.
In love and light,
AJ
I left there with lots of energy (too bad it was so late) and just this amazing understanding. I thanked God and the Universe for this illness because it has led me in a direction I might not have taken without it. It has also brought me more love and kindness from people than I could have ever imagined. I get to see and feel with my soul, people's wonderful ability to empathize and be compassionate and loving. Those aren't even powerful enough words for what I have seen through this illness. Obviously, not everyone is understanding and supportive and to be honest, some of the most empathetic and caring are the people I haven't even met in person (meaning my bloggy and Internet friends) or people who I have met through Craig's List and various other places because of this illness. Wow! I am so blessed and so very happy.
Now, onto today's miracle... :0) Are you ready for this? I know I am... I EXPERIENCED SOME PAIN FREE TIME TODAY!!! WOOOOOOH HOOOOOOO! YEAH! Ok, that's about as excited as I can get through usage of writing styles, LOL. :0) I had not just an instant, but hours of no pain. OMGosh I have no idea how to handle this so I tried to accept it and say thank you to the Lord and the Universe and I tried very hard not to worry about what to do when it comes back because I think it will come back. But, it's 11:41 PM and I have been feeling almost totally pain free for most of the evening since around 4 or so this afternoon, I think. I'm starting to have a bit of pain now, but it's ok. It's BEARABLE!!!
This morning I woke up feeling extremely sick to my stomach. So much so that I had to take a Phenergyn and lie right back down so I wouldn't vomit. Then I started feeling very weird. My body felt like it was floating (not necessarily in a good or bad way) and I had double vision. I'm not sure what that was all about, but I didn't do anything differently with my meds or anything. I didn't wake up in tons of pain, which was weird, but I did not feel good by any means. I was also super duper tired all day today and slept on and off throughout the whole day without the use of any extra meds, which is very unusual for me. Normally to fall asleep is a mechanism I use to fight the pain and to get to sleep I have to take lots of extra medications. That wasn't the case today, at all!
Then, I woke up and seriously couldn't believe the way I felt...Okay, I know this is way TMI, but I have to tell you. I went to use the restroom and normally I have to maneuver my legs in a certain way (because my knees hurt so bad) to sit on the toilet and I have to use my hands and arms to help me too. Well, I went to pee (sorry again for the amount of info here) and I didn't have to do anything to help me sit down or get up from the toilet!!! I know that sounds ridiculous to most of you, but to me, it has been a daily struggle that I fight with every time I have to pee and with fibro, it increases the amount of times you have to go in a day so I'm spending most of my life in the bathroom. LOL I could get up and sit down --- without having to think about it! *breathes deeply* I just can't believe it. Thank you, everyone in my life who has been so supportive during my bad days which greatly outnumber my good ones. I had to share my day with you all because I know many of you have been praying and thinking of me and I wanted to ask you all to please keep doing it. It's working! It's working! Oh, thank you God!
And please, do not worry. I'm not being unrealistic here or thinking that everything is suddenly gone. I know it's not, but the thing is, I have a more true feeling that it can be gone and will be gone (hopefully very soon). I am putting everything into faith, not modern medicine anymore and I know I will get on the right path to heal. If it doesn't happen right away, that's ok. That just means I have more to learn. I will just take the good days as they come and will cherish every little bit of time I get to be without pain. That is my miracle today, my friends. Thank you all for listening. I love you all for being a part of my life.
In love and light,
AJ
Monday, August 8, 2011
Whoops, already skipped a day
I'm so bummed that I didn't get to record my day yesterday so I'll give a rundown (if I can remember). Hmm.. well, I've been quite depressed because of the illness taking over everything! I didn't get anything done yesterday or today. I've had horrible pain and sheer exhaustion both days. I took Colostrum both days, but no vitamins. Woke up today in tons of pain with crazy dizziness, vertigo, blurred vision and started getting a headache a bit later on. No idea where any of this came from. Just sort of started when I woke up at 11 AM and really didn't go away for most of the day. Having different pain today. My shoulder pain was so intense and shooting up my arm, that I thought I might be having a heart attack. Ugh.
Food consumed yesterday (or at least what I can recall):
Coffee w/Rice Milk, Water, Pudding, Fruit Snacks, Mini Snickers Bar, Chocolate Cookies with Cream, Pizza Slice from Pulcinella (best pizza in Fort Collins!), Chinese (Asian Grill Express - No MSG!) Food for dinner - Lo Mein, Sesame Chicken, Chicken w/Vegetables. Other snacks - Doritos, Sierra Mist, Homemade Brownies, 1 two bite cupcake from www.buttercreamcupcakery.com., Pluot (Organically grown and locally farmed - Door to Door Organics where we get most of our fruits and vegetables. The prices are fantastic and they deliver, which is perfect for my fibromyalgia. Greatest service ever and the veggies are amazing! If you live in the area, check them out!!!
Food today:
Fruit Snacks, Coffee w/Rice Milk, Pudding x 2 (one w/Colostrum), Chinese for lunch and dinner - including Garlic Shrimp, Sesame Chicken, Chicken w/Vegetables, Lo Mein, 2 Fortune Cookies. Other snacks - Chocolate Cookies, Nacho Cheese Doritos, 4 Mini Candy Bars, Rice Dream Ice Cream - Jeez, I hope that's it. Seems like I'm eating enough for 10! Aaaaaaah! No wonder I feel so crappy. It's 12:14 and I'm still hungry. :(
Mood:
Horrible. Depressed, disappointed, confused, misguided, lost and feel like I need some serious therapy ASAP!!! Will look into that tomorrow. Not to mention, must go back to Physical Therapy (PT). It used to help a lot so will have someone start taking me again. Back to mood. Stressed about trip, money, life, marriage, health, friends, basically everything you can be stressed about. Did I mention... major stress about not being able to keep up with commitments that I have made that I actually do want to keep! I'm not crafting; therefore, I'm not me and if I'm not me, who am I? I have no idea, but the person that is replacing the former me is not a happy person. So I need some help getting back to me. Any thoughts? Any input? I would love some advice here on how to cope with everything and how to try to live a quasi-normal life with this debilitating "syndrome" that is quickly becoming my nemesis! Aaaah! I am panicking lately about everything. I have a snowball effect going on with work piling up and money dwindling down and just everything that can go wrong, lately, has been going wrong. I just need some clarity. My head is fogged and I need to clear it. It will get better. This is just a rough time.
Pain Levels/Concerns
Today most of my pain is in both shoulders, left arm, fingers, and especially the knees. My neck and back are very sore too and I have an on and off headache. My fourth toe, that I broke a couple of months ago is still throbbing daily. I was short of breath today, got super hot and super dizzy and started getting tunnel vision.
Medicines today
I took Opana, Opana ER, and a Citalopram, then went back to sleep til 11 AM. At 11, woke up with extreme vertigo, could't see straight, felt sick to my stomach and had tons of pain. Wasn't sure what to do,so did nothing for quite a while. Later I took a total of 3 Oxys and 1 Phenergyn, then I added a Meclizine for the Vertigo and 2 Loraz to calm me down. At bedtime I took an Opana ER and an Opana. I'm itchy again, so going to try the Benadryl. Hopefully it will help me sleep too.
Yesterday I believe I took
Opana, Opana ER, Citalopram, Lorazepam - I got super itchy so took 2 Benadryl, 1 Phenergyn, Opana again and Opana ER again. I cannot recall if I took any Oxy. If I did, it would have been 2. Tomorrow I will try to do without. It only takes 7 straight days to make a pill a habit and I don't want that!
Weather
Sunny and hot with no real clouds today. I think it was in the high 80s or 90s
Symptoms
Knees hurt so bad, I had a very difficult time getting downstairs and back up today. Normally make lots of trips up and down. Today maybe only 10 trips. My knees are still hurting in bed and today, my left knee is hurting as bad as the right. Would almost like to get them x-rayed to see if I messed something up when I fell because the pain is just horrible. I needed assistance getting in and out of the bathtub tonight b/c of knee pain. It was nice to relax when I was finally able to get in and lie down. Also having FI problems too. Not sure what the cause of that is, but it's becoming bothersome.
Outlook
DT challenge projects done and posted, albeit late. I have some remodeling ideas I need to write down on paper as well and start looking into our options for flooring. I will also try to get an appt. with a counselor and PT.
Goodnite World! Sweet Dreams!
AJ
Food consumed yesterday (or at least what I can recall):
Coffee w/Rice Milk, Water, Pudding, Fruit Snacks, Mini Snickers Bar, Chocolate Cookies with Cream, Pizza Slice from Pulcinella (best pizza in Fort Collins!), Chinese (Asian Grill Express - No MSG!) Food for dinner - Lo Mein, Sesame Chicken, Chicken w/Vegetables. Other snacks - Doritos, Sierra Mist, Homemade Brownies, 1 two bite cupcake from www.buttercreamcupcakery.com., Pluot (Organically grown and locally farmed - Door to Door Organics where we get most of our fruits and vegetables. The prices are fantastic and they deliver, which is perfect for my fibromyalgia. Greatest service ever and the veggies are amazing! If you live in the area, check them out!!!
Food today:
Fruit Snacks, Coffee w/Rice Milk, Pudding x 2 (one w/Colostrum), Chinese for lunch and dinner - including Garlic Shrimp, Sesame Chicken, Chicken w/Vegetables, Lo Mein, 2 Fortune Cookies. Other snacks - Chocolate Cookies, Nacho Cheese Doritos, 4 Mini Candy Bars, Rice Dream Ice Cream - Jeez, I hope that's it. Seems like I'm eating enough for 10! Aaaaaaah! No wonder I feel so crappy. It's 12:14 and I'm still hungry. :(
Mood:
Horrible. Depressed, disappointed, confused, misguided, lost and feel like I need some serious therapy ASAP!!! Will look into that tomorrow. Not to mention, must go back to Physical Therapy (PT). It used to help a lot so will have someone start taking me again. Back to mood. Stressed about trip, money, life, marriage, health, friends, basically everything you can be stressed about. Did I mention... major stress about not being able to keep up with commitments that I have made that I actually do want to keep! I'm not crafting; therefore, I'm not me and if I'm not me, who am I? I have no idea, but the person that is replacing the former me is not a happy person. So I need some help getting back to me. Any thoughts? Any input? I would love some advice here on how to cope with everything and how to try to live a quasi-normal life with this debilitating "syndrome" that is quickly becoming my nemesis! Aaaah! I am panicking lately about everything. I have a snowball effect going on with work piling up and money dwindling down and just everything that can go wrong, lately, has been going wrong. I just need some clarity. My head is fogged and I need to clear it. It will get better. This is just a rough time.
Pain Levels/Concerns
Today most of my pain is in both shoulders, left arm, fingers, and especially the knees. My neck and back are very sore too and I have an on and off headache. My fourth toe, that I broke a couple of months ago is still throbbing daily. I was short of breath today, got super hot and super dizzy and started getting tunnel vision.
Medicines today
I took Opana, Opana ER, and a Citalopram, then went back to sleep til 11 AM. At 11, woke up with extreme vertigo, could't see straight, felt sick to my stomach and had tons of pain. Wasn't sure what to do,so did nothing for quite a while. Later I took a total of 3 Oxys and 1 Phenergyn, then I added a Meclizine for the Vertigo and 2 Loraz to calm me down. At bedtime I took an Opana ER and an Opana. I'm itchy again, so going to try the Benadryl. Hopefully it will help me sleep too.
Yesterday I believe I took
Opana, Opana ER, Citalopram, Lorazepam - I got super itchy so took 2 Benadryl, 1 Phenergyn, Opana again and Opana ER again. I cannot recall if I took any Oxy. If I did, it would have been 2. Tomorrow I will try to do without. It only takes 7 straight days to make a pill a habit and I don't want that!
Weather
Sunny and hot with no real clouds today. I think it was in the high 80s or 90s
Symptoms
Knees hurt so bad, I had a very difficult time getting downstairs and back up today. Normally make lots of trips up and down. Today maybe only 10 trips. My knees are still hurting in bed and today, my left knee is hurting as bad as the right. Would almost like to get them x-rayed to see if I messed something up when I fell because the pain is just horrible. I needed assistance getting in and out of the bathtub tonight b/c of knee pain. It was nice to relax when I was finally able to get in and lie down. Also having FI problems too. Not sure what the cause of that is, but it's becoming bothersome.
Outlook
DT challenge projects done and posted, albeit late. I have some remodeling ideas I need to write down on paper as well and start looking into our options for flooring. I will also try to get an appt. with a counselor and PT.
Goodnite World! Sweet Dreams!
AJ
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Cupcakes and Brownies
Last night while I was writing my post I got the middle of the night hunger pangs I usually get, but I'm so proud of myself... I was a really good girl and ate organic hummus and Fritos, along with a delicious organic pluot (hybrid plum/apricot). I normally will eat junk food and lots of it,so I was very pleased with my choice. I keep forgetting to mention in my daily food section of these posts, that I always eat at least 1 - 3 granola bars and 2 -3 packs of fruit snacks every day.
Medications:
So let's see.. Woke up today at a little before 11 AM. Ah, that was nice to be able to sleep in a bit on a Saturday. Had to take my pain meds Opana, Opana ER, Lorazepam, and Citalopram right away because I was hurting pretty bad when I woke up. I think, when I fell, I tore something in my right knee so I am seriously considering seeing the doctor because there is a lump and it hurts really bad all the time. In fact, just to calm it down, tonight I took 2 Oxy's, and got sick feeling so, a Phenrgyn, then I got the itchies (hope to God it's not another staph infection) so had to take 2 Benadryl too! That's on top of my evening pills, 1 Opana ER, 1 Opana, and 1 Loraz. However, I didn't take any other pills during the day today. I did take my Colostrum, but not my vitamins.
Tasks:
At 11:00 AM I watched some TV and lied around for quite a while while I scoured Craig's List and made arrangements for my hubby to pick up a bunch of stuff. While he was gone I did a load of laundry and chatted with my mom and my friend. I have a ton of work backed up and am quite stressed about it. I didn't get the crafting projects I needed to get done today because of all the CL stuff that came in and needed attention. It's ok, I will get to it 2moro. At least I have put together some things for my asst. to do on Monday, which is super important.
Food Consumed Today:
At around 2 or 3PM 1 chocolate pudding w/Colostrum and an Apricot/Macadamia Kind bar at 4 or so, Chinese food for dinner at around 6:30 or 7PM including, 1 Sierra Mist, some sesame chicken, mixed chicken w/veggies, a piece of garlic shrimp, and some lo mein. About an hour later a two-bite chocolate chip cupcake from a local bakery (yummy, yummy). They are one of my absolute favorite treats! *Side note, hands and wrists hurting intensely.* Then my hubby decided to make himself some brownies, which I just couldn't resist, of course so I had like a fourth of the pan. Ugh. I sure paid for it with a nice tummy ache and a lovely sense of nausea. :p It had an egg and I'm not supposed to have those, but I think it's more the quantity I ate than the amount of egg in it. *Side Note: Heartburn is starting 12:27 AM.* Of course I drank lots of water and had only about a cup of coffee with vanilla rice milk today (half decaf) so I'm doing better on cutting back on caffeine and the oh so bad for me flavored creamer. My friend got me hooked on that and I really need to cut it back out of my diet because it's loaded with things I should not have, such as soy. Proud that I only had a bit of coffee today. Really was too busy to mess with more! See 1st paragraph for rest of food. I think that's today's menu. It's really hard to remember all that, but I don't have time to sit and write every time I eat something. I'd rather just do it all at once in my daily journal.
Mood:
I was very busy sorting all the CL stuff today and didn't get any sort of a nap. My mood wasn't the greatest today either. I just have a lot on my mind and am trying to sort through it all and trying very hard to stay as positive as I can. I am definitely in a bit of a depressed state so I will work through that all by writing. That always helps me. :0) I watched a lot of TV today, but wanted to try something different tonight so I listened to some classical music for about an hour and read some while listening, then put the book down and just let the music take my mind to an amazing fun place with dancing and laughter and fields of flowers and things, people and places from the Victorian era (my favorite) and beautiful architecture. It was a lovely thing to meditate on while I could. Would definitely like to try that again! *Side Note - shoulders both started hurting a ton. Have to stop now. *
Weather:
Hot and sunny most of the day with afternoon clouds and a bit of rain. Back to sunny in the evening. No thunder/lightning.
That's pretty much my day in a nutshell and I am actually feeling tired now. Yay! Let's see if I can get to sleep before 1:30 tonight. It's now 12:35 and looks like I have a good chance! :0)
Goodnight world. Thank you, God for all you have put in my path today.
AJ
Medications:
So let's see.. Woke up today at a little before 11 AM. Ah, that was nice to be able to sleep in a bit on a Saturday. Had to take my pain meds Opana, Opana ER, Lorazepam, and Citalopram right away because I was hurting pretty bad when I woke up. I think, when I fell, I tore something in my right knee so I am seriously considering seeing the doctor because there is a lump and it hurts really bad all the time. In fact, just to calm it down, tonight I took 2 Oxy's, and got sick feeling so, a Phenrgyn, then I got the itchies (hope to God it's not another staph infection) so had to take 2 Benadryl too! That's on top of my evening pills, 1 Opana ER, 1 Opana, and 1 Loraz. However, I didn't take any other pills during the day today. I did take my Colostrum, but not my vitamins.
Tasks:
At 11:00 AM I watched some TV and lied around for quite a while while I scoured Craig's List and made arrangements for my hubby to pick up a bunch of stuff. While he was gone I did a load of laundry and chatted with my mom and my friend. I have a ton of work backed up and am quite stressed about it. I didn't get the crafting projects I needed to get done today because of all the CL stuff that came in and needed attention. It's ok, I will get to it 2moro. At least I have put together some things for my asst. to do on Monday, which is super important.
Food Consumed Today:
At around 2 or 3PM 1 chocolate pudding w/Colostrum and an Apricot/Macadamia Kind bar at 4 or so, Chinese food for dinner at around 6:30 or 7PM including, 1 Sierra Mist, some sesame chicken, mixed chicken w/veggies, a piece of garlic shrimp, and some lo mein. About an hour later a two-bite chocolate chip cupcake from a local bakery (yummy, yummy). They are one of my absolute favorite treats! *Side note, hands and wrists hurting intensely.* Then my hubby decided to make himself some brownies, which I just couldn't resist, of course so I had like a fourth of the pan. Ugh. I sure paid for it with a nice tummy ache and a lovely sense of nausea. :p It had an egg and I'm not supposed to have those, but I think it's more the quantity I ate than the amount of egg in it. *Side Note: Heartburn is starting 12:27 AM.* Of course I drank lots of water and had only about a cup of coffee with vanilla rice milk today (half decaf) so I'm doing better on cutting back on caffeine and the oh so bad for me flavored creamer. My friend got me hooked on that and I really need to cut it back out of my diet because it's loaded with things I should not have, such as soy. Proud that I only had a bit of coffee today. Really was too busy to mess with more! See 1st paragraph for rest of food. I think that's today's menu. It's really hard to remember all that, but I don't have time to sit and write every time I eat something. I'd rather just do it all at once in my daily journal.
Mood:
I was very busy sorting all the CL stuff today and didn't get any sort of a nap. My mood wasn't the greatest today either. I just have a lot on my mind and am trying to sort through it all and trying very hard to stay as positive as I can. I am definitely in a bit of a depressed state so I will work through that all by writing. That always helps me. :0) I watched a lot of TV today, but wanted to try something different tonight so I listened to some classical music for about an hour and read some while listening, then put the book down and just let the music take my mind to an amazing fun place with dancing and laughter and fields of flowers and things, people and places from the Victorian era (my favorite) and beautiful architecture. It was a lovely thing to meditate on while I could. Would definitely like to try that again! *Side Note - shoulders both started hurting a ton. Have to stop now. *
Weather:
Hot and sunny most of the day with afternoon clouds and a bit of rain. Back to sunny in the evening. No thunder/lightning.
That's pretty much my day in a nutshell and I am actually feeling tired now. Yay! Let's see if I can get to sleep before 1:30 tonight. It's now 12:35 and looks like I have a good chance! :0)
Goodnight world. Thank you, God for all you have put in my path today.
AJ
A new day :)
Oh my, what a wonderful day it has been for me. :0) I woke up with very little pain today. I have noticed some differences today for sure. I have less shoulder pain, more energy, less nausea, all kinds of goodness. Now the key is to figure out why. First off, I took vitamins yesterday for the first time in a long time. I take Nutrilite Vitamins, which are proven to break down in the body so you absorb the most nutrients possible. I sell them as well, because I know they work. I love them.
I have a hard time sticking to a strict plan, and go through phases where I do something for a month and then just stop. It takes 28 days to make something a habit, or so they say, but sometimes that rule does not apply to me. I am determined to make these things stick! The vitamins, the Colostrum (which I did take today), the exercise, the de-stressing at night. All of it... *Side note, my knuckles already hurt from typing.
My nausea was less today. I didn't take a Phenrgyn. Forgot to mention that I take that daily as well as needed for nausea. So far I have taken today: 1 Citalopram, 2 Opana, 2 Opana ER, 4 Lorazepam, 1 Naproxen (I think), 0 Temazepam, 0 Phenrgyn. No vitamins, 1 scoop of Colostrum, 2 pudding snacks, 1 piece of pizza, 1 mini Snickers bar, 1 Kind Apricot/Macadamia granola bar, coffee w/vanilla rice milk (lately I've been drinking the bad-for-you flavored creamers), cherries and water. I think that's about it. However, I'm getting my middle of the night craving so must go raid the fridge/cabinets for a healthy snack. Maybe even a small salad or something like that. No junk or sweets though. Yay! Step 1!
Assessment: I didn't put any food in my system until around 3:30, when I had a cup of pudding and added Colostrum to that. Then I ate a granola bar at 5PM and had a piece of pizza and the rest of my snacks at 6PM or 6:30. I noticed, that since I didn't eat today (until 5PM), I seemed to actually feel a lot better in general! I know it's a bad idea to wait that long to eat, but I was very busy and just wasn't hungry.
My day started at around 8AM after falling asleep at 2PM last night. I would have been asleep by 1:30 if I had allowed it, but I was really wanting to read so like a bad girl, I forced myself to stay up and read and eat snacks (which I shouldn't done). I should've listened to my body and allowed myself to fall asleep when it wanted to and I would have saved my self the snack binge eating that followed. I have started a habit that I feel I must eat something before I fall asleep or I can't seem to feel rested enough. Bad, bad habit, I'm sure, so now it's time to recondition that behavior. *Side note - right knee is currently throbbing, developing hunger and nausea.
I slept after I woke up briefly (at 8 AM) until around10. I had a gal coming by at 1 to start helping me with some of my projects that are eating away at my time to get my businesses off the ground and running so I need some help. Things went wonderfully and I am super happy! I know this is going to be a huge stress reliever and my life will be able to, more smoothly, go in the direction I am wanting. Yay! Back to the day... I woke up around 10 and lied around til 10:30. Got up to take care of the dogs, went downstairs to get my coffee and chatted on the phone with a gf til 12!!! I realized that I had to go to get ready and I actually took a shower, shaved, dressed up real cute like and even put on makeup! I was ready for the interview at 1. Then I worked with her until 4:30 and decided I was quite exhausted. That was quite a bit of straight work for me and I didn't want to throw my body all out so I decided it was time to go rest for a while.
I lied down, chatted with my hubs when he came home and then fell asleep for a long nap at around 7:30 PM or so. Slept til 12:00, chatted some more with the hubs and now I'm up doing my journal. I had forgotten to do it and I really felt I needed to not skip today because every day is going to be important since I plan on recovering from this illness. I have to account for every single day so I can figure out what is triggering these symptoms in my body and if I skip just one day, I might miss the key! So here I am. :0) Holding myself accountable and looking forward to a brighter, pain free future. I'm on my way. I swear I am!
Another stresser that is about to be lessened in my life is, I got a hold of a dog trainer (finally) today and I think he can really help. I'm looking forward to him coming out to give us a consultation and tell me what he thinks can be done with the dogs behavioral and aggression issues. He will also be helping us to introduce Bella and he will give me a true answer on whether or not he thinks we'll be able to have her. We will be getting a second opinion, of course, but this is a start and a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.
I want to be in bed by 2 and it's 1:40. Gonna grab some healthy snacks, then come back up and lie down and read if I can't sleep. No TV for me or electronics. It's been three days since I've had the TV on at night. Progress is being made. Let's see how differently I feel. I will say, my quality of rest was much better last night than it has been in a while and that was unmedicated (with sleeping pills, I mean) so this "new" system seems to be helping. I can't wait to see how this all unfolds. :0) Thanks for sharing my journey with me (to those of you who are).
Goodnight world,
AJ
I have a hard time sticking to a strict plan, and go through phases where I do something for a month and then just stop. It takes 28 days to make something a habit, or so they say, but sometimes that rule does not apply to me. I am determined to make these things stick! The vitamins, the Colostrum (which I did take today), the exercise, the de-stressing at night. All of it... *Side note, my knuckles already hurt from typing.
My nausea was less today. I didn't take a Phenrgyn. Forgot to mention that I take that daily as well as needed for nausea. So far I have taken today: 1 Citalopram, 2 Opana, 2 Opana ER, 4 Lorazepam, 1 Naproxen (I think), 0 Temazepam, 0 Phenrgyn. No vitamins, 1 scoop of Colostrum, 2 pudding snacks, 1 piece of pizza, 1 mini Snickers bar, 1 Kind Apricot/Macadamia granola bar, coffee w/vanilla rice milk (lately I've been drinking the bad-for-you flavored creamers), cherries and water. I think that's about it. However, I'm getting my middle of the night craving so must go raid the fridge/cabinets for a healthy snack. Maybe even a small salad or something like that. No junk or sweets though. Yay! Step 1!
Assessment: I didn't put any food in my system until around 3:30, when I had a cup of pudding and added Colostrum to that. Then I ate a granola bar at 5PM and had a piece of pizza and the rest of my snacks at 6PM or 6:30. I noticed, that since I didn't eat today (until 5PM), I seemed to actually feel a lot better in general! I know it's a bad idea to wait that long to eat, but I was very busy and just wasn't hungry.
My day started at around 8AM after falling asleep at 2PM last night. I would have been asleep by 1:30 if I had allowed it, but I was really wanting to read so like a bad girl, I forced myself to stay up and read and eat snacks (which I shouldn't done). I should've listened to my body and allowed myself to fall asleep when it wanted to and I would have saved my self the snack binge eating that followed. I have started a habit that I feel I must eat something before I fall asleep or I can't seem to feel rested enough. Bad, bad habit, I'm sure, so now it's time to recondition that behavior. *Side note - right knee is currently throbbing, developing hunger and nausea.
I slept after I woke up briefly (at 8 AM) until around10. I had a gal coming by at 1 to start helping me with some of my projects that are eating away at my time to get my businesses off the ground and running so I need some help. Things went wonderfully and I am super happy! I know this is going to be a huge stress reliever and my life will be able to, more smoothly, go in the direction I am wanting. Yay! Back to the day... I woke up around 10 and lied around til 10:30. Got up to take care of the dogs, went downstairs to get my coffee and chatted on the phone with a gf til 12!!! I realized that I had to go to get ready and I actually took a shower, shaved, dressed up real cute like and even put on makeup! I was ready for the interview at 1. Then I worked with her until 4:30 and decided I was quite exhausted. That was quite a bit of straight work for me and I didn't want to throw my body all out so I decided it was time to go rest for a while.
I lied down, chatted with my hubs when he came home and then fell asleep for a long nap at around 7:30 PM or so. Slept til 12:00, chatted some more with the hubs and now I'm up doing my journal. I had forgotten to do it and I really felt I needed to not skip today because every day is going to be important since I plan on recovering from this illness. I have to account for every single day so I can figure out what is triggering these symptoms in my body and if I skip just one day, I might miss the key! So here I am. :0) Holding myself accountable and looking forward to a brighter, pain free future. I'm on my way. I swear I am!
Another stresser that is about to be lessened in my life is, I got a hold of a dog trainer (finally) today and I think he can really help. I'm looking forward to him coming out to give us a consultation and tell me what he thinks can be done with the dogs behavioral and aggression issues. He will also be helping us to introduce Bella and he will give me a true answer on whether or not he thinks we'll be able to have her. We will be getting a second opinion, of course, but this is a start and a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.
I want to be in bed by 2 and it's 1:40. Gonna grab some healthy snacks, then come back up and lie down and read if I can't sleep. No TV for me or electronics. It's been three days since I've had the TV on at night. Progress is being made. Let's see how differently I feel. I will say, my quality of rest was much better last night than it has been in a while and that was unmedicated (with sleeping pills, I mean) so this "new" system seems to be helping. I can't wait to see how this all unfolds. :0) Thanks for sharing my journey with me (to those of you who are).
Goodnight world,
AJ
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