A new outlook

Wow, today has been an incredible day.  I guess I better start with last night to get to today...  Last night at around 11:00 PM I went to my next door neighbor's house (she happens to be one of my very best friends) because she was having some landlord issues.  Well needless to say, we were both upset and in horrible moods, but then the conversation shifted to spirituality and illness and the relation and honest to God, for a brief instant I felt no pain at all.  I started crying because it was so foreign to me to have that feeling!  It has been approx. 3 years since I have felt what it feels like to have zero pain.  I couldn't believe it!  We decided right then and there that we are going to be grateful for the blessings we have and we are going to be thankful for our trials and tribulations because without them, we wouldn't learn.  We wouldn't grow as human beings... as spiritual beings. I was (I think I can speak for us both here) totally swept away with feelings of pure love and light and I could see her aura getting brighter and brighter by the minute.  Normally I can't see aura's, but I could see my friend's! It was incredible.

I left there with lots of energy (too bad it was so late) and just this amazing understanding.  I thanked God and the Universe for this illness because it has led me in a direction I might not have taken without it.  It has also brought me more love and kindness from people than I could have ever imagined.  I get to see and feel with my soul, people's wonderful ability to empathize and be compassionate and loving.   Those aren't even powerful enough words for what I have seen through this illness.  Obviously, not everyone is understanding and supportive and to be honest, some of the most empathetic and caring are the people I haven't even met in person (meaning my bloggy and Internet friends) or people who I have met through Craig's List and various other places because of this illness.  Wow!  I am so blessed and so very happy.

Now, onto today's miracle... :0)  Are you ready for this?  I know I am... I EXPERIENCED SOME PAIN FREE TIME TODAY!!!  WOOOOOOH HOOOOOOO!  YEAH!  Ok, that's about as excited as I can get through usage of writing styles, LOL.  :0) I had not just an instant, but hours of no pain.  OMGosh I have no idea how to handle this so I tried to accept it and say thank you to the Lord and the Universe and I tried very hard not to worry about what to do when it comes back because I think it will come back.  But, it's 11:41 PM and I have been feeling almost totally pain free for most of the evening since around 4 or so this afternoon, I think.  I'm starting to have a bit of pain now, but it's ok.  It's BEARABLE!!!

This morning I woke up feeling extremely sick to my stomach.  So much so that I had to take a Phenergyn and lie right back down so I wouldn't vomit.  Then I started feeling very weird.  My body felt like it was floating (not necessarily in a good or bad way) and I had double vision.  I'm not sure what that was all about, but I didn't do anything differently with my meds or anything.  I didn't wake up in tons of pain, which was weird, but I did not feel good by any means.  I was also super duper tired all day today and slept on and off throughout the whole day without the use of any extra meds, which is very unusual for me.  Normally to fall asleep is a mechanism I use to fight the pain and to get to sleep I have to take lots of extra medications.  That wasn't the case today, at all!

Then, I woke up and seriously couldn't believe the way I felt...Okay, I know this is way TMI, but I have to tell you.  I went to use the restroom and normally I have to maneuver my legs in a certain way (because my knees hurt so bad) to sit on the toilet and I have to use my hands and arms to help me too.  Well, I went to pee (sorry again for the amount of info here) and I didn't have to do anything to help me sit down or get up from the toilet!!!  I know that sounds ridiculous to most of you, but to me, it has been a daily struggle that I fight with every time I have to pee and with fibro, it increases the amount of times you have to go in a day so I'm spending most of my life in the bathroom. LOL  I could get up and sit down --- without having to think about it!  *breathes deeply*  I just can't believe it.  Thank you, everyone in my life who has been so supportive during my bad days which greatly outnumber my good ones.  I had to share my day with you all because I know many of you have been praying and thinking of me and I wanted to ask you all to please keep doing it.  It's working!  It's working!  Oh, thank you God!



And please, do not worry.  I'm not being unrealistic here or thinking that everything is suddenly gone.  I know it's not, but the thing is, I have a more true feeling that it can be gone and will be gone (hopefully very soon).  I am putting everything into faith, not modern medicine anymore and I know I will get on the right path to heal.  If it doesn't happen right away, that's ok.  That just means I have more to learn.  I will just take the good days as they come and will cherish every little bit of time I get to be without pain.  That is my miracle today, my friends.  Thank you all for listening.  I love you all for being a part of my life.

In love and light,
AJ